Article Dan speed blogs

Short sharp shocks to the world 

Google - still searching for affection in our lives?

This was the Google advert shown during last night's Superbowl XLIV - simple as it gets (ever Google's USP), and strangely clichéd in it's iteration of 'We're with you for the journey' message.

Strange, that Google - so functional, so clean in its presentation and delivery of a - let's face it - practically peerless search engine, should be getting into the messy business of setting itself up as your friend for life; something that helps you search, not just for funny cat videos, but for your raison d'etre!

Why, Google? Why get schmaltzy on us like this?

Or maybe you've always been this cheesy behind the brilliant white? Maybe you have always craved more than just our search data? Maybe all you've ever really wanted was to be loved? Isn't that what all those artified logos have been about? For crying out loud - you ran Sesame Street logos for a week in 2009!

Is that your game? For all the clinical excellence of that simple interface, of that simple name, you really want to be a cosy companion throughout our life search? Hell - don't you REALLY wish you'd stuck with your original name - Backrub? That was the plan back in the day - Backrub - a soft name for a friendly, intimate service; comforting, loving and LOVABLE.

Didn't quite work out that way though, did it? Don't Be Evil has carried Google so far, but as you've gotten bigger, and as people have started to realise just how much you might have on us all from our years of search data... Well, you're still our main search squeeze, but maybe we don't actually trust you enough to love you with all our hearts anymore?

Certainly that ad in the Superbowl says to me that,for all the success and market domination, it's that search for love which still eats at you after all these years.

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Filed under  //   Advertising   corporate image   Google   search  

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Zombie Cats - Night of the LOLing Dead

Hands up who knew there was a zombie cat oeuvre? No? Well, wake up and smell the catnip: superb (and not so superb) animations of zombie cats have invaded the web! Yes, scores of the unLOL walk the earth.

What shall we call this fetid feline meme? RIP cats?

Seriously. People are into the zombie cat mash-up. And, if you've followed me this far, then get ready to be just plain weirded out by this cataleptic cake-icer:

Buy a dog and keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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Sand art gets copied right down to a tea - but does that take the biscuit?

Remember the beautiful Ukraine's Got Talent Sand Art video I blogged a while back? With that girl 'painting' with light and earth to the refrains of Metallica celloed mellow by Apocolyptica? Remember how Neil Gaiman had said 'If you are an ad executive planning to rip off this Ukrainian Sand animation for Coke or Sony, please die first'

Well, Neil - it's possible the Coke or Sony guys died before taking it on, but the Tea Team at Twinnings got there soon enough with no fatalities - except those of the integrity and beauty of the original art and idea.

What I can glean from this though is that it is in fact that the Twinnings sand/tea art ad campaign was created with Ilana Yahav - a sand artist in her own right - quite possibly rocking the sand art technique for years before the Ukraine's Got Talent video of Kseniya Simonova went viral (currently on 11Million+ views, as opposed to a mere 1M+ for Ilana's biggest hitters like You've Got A Friend - below.)

So whaddayagonnado? Is anyone being ripped off really? Kseniya gets the big hits and fame from her barnstorming performances on the Ukraine's Got Talent, but her (less seen predecessor) gets the Twinnings gig. Sand Art and its exponents get higher profile and the general public gets an ad that's far less offensive than most. Everyone's a winner, right?

Well, maybe not Fontaneda Digestives...

This ad reportedly used the 'sand art' technique in 2007, but with that video claiming a mere 330 views at the time of posting these digestives are hardly apt to be Boasters. So maybe these are the only creatives getting ripped off in the whole ad milieu? I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles. (Oh dear god, stop..!!!)

I should also point you towards The Passion sand art of Joe Castillo - another sand artist tossing shapes in dirt long before Kseniya Simonova and Ukraine's Got Talent ever graced a Tweet.

Ok. I'll stop now. Let's face it - if we never saw sand art again it would just fine. We'll always have ketchup and fries art to keep our souls beautiful...

(2 Million more views than Ilana's sand art video. Go figure, friends. Go figure.)

Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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EMI say "OK, Stop" to OK Go fans embedding YouTube videos

I'm not a fan of Ok Go, but this is going up on general principle and protest at EMI's continued rage against... Fans, music, the web, the internet, love... God, anything that makes any bloody sense! OK Go's video for Here It Goes Again has received nearly 50 MILLION hits on YouTube - a hell of a lot from sharing and word of mouth. But EMI... Well they see that as just wrong; people shouldn't be able to embed the video into blogs and personal sites, as this represents... Something... Er... Something they just refuse to get their heads around.

Still hurrah for Vimeo, eh?

If this attitude towards fans and the web is right, I only ever want to be wrong.

What's next? I'll tell you what's next if Manchester United's recent clampdown of team members' social networking is anything to go by: the Twitter accounts of stars, such as Lady Gaga, OK Go and more will be made UN-retweetable. You want to get their info - you gotta follow them - you gotta provide pure numbers, otherwise you're NOTHING - you're dead to us - and we don't want DEAD people reading our artists' twitters! That's creepy - you creepy dead people with no monetary worth! Begone and be damned!

You mark my words - no more retweets!

Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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Hazelnut cupcakes to die for

This is the recipe for hazelnut cupcakes by Yotam Ottolenghi, to be found in the Ottolenghi Cookbook. A friend asked for the recipe and I thought - you know, these are so damn fine, everyone's going to want a piece, so I'm blogging them.

But here's the deal - this recipe is only one of hundreds in the cookbook. And, if you haven't been to an Ottolenghi joint (sort of cafe with cakes to die for, but oh, so much more great food on the main menu!), then a) GO - have lunch or dinner there-  it's glorious! and b) if you can cook at all - buy the cook book. It's 50 kinds of awesome. Some flavour combos that will blow your mind: fresh, imaginative, inspired. And the cakes / biscuits... Ooooh mama!

Need further evidence - try these:

NB - this is written in my own style from my experience, not verbatim from Ottolenghi. He's classier in the book...

Makes 10 cupcakes

Ingredients

45g unbleached hazelnuts
150g Caster sugar (I use vanilla-infused caster sugar - just store sugar in a pot with used split vanilla pods for a couple of days - will keep forever)
180g plain flour
1& 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
150g unsalted butter
1 tbsp hazelnut oil (I've never had this; I've never used it)
2 small eggs, lightly beaten
150ml Soured cream

For the icing
150g cream cheese (room temp)
150g Mascarpone (ditto)
80g good quality unsalted butter (ditto)
100g icing sugar (sift it)

Technique

1 - Preheat the oven to 150C / Gas 2.
2 - Place hazelnuts on a baking tray and roast in the oven for 15mins.
3 - Allow to cool, then rub off the skins. (This is a chore. In fact it could be argued life's to bloody short, just buy some blanched ones, but, I think the fresh roasted flavour adds to the cakes so... Best bet - pop all the toasty little buggers in a colander or sieve and shake the around and together roughly - the abrasion helps the process rather than individually peeling each nut like some OCD squirrel. Trust me as well, a little skin ain't a cause to weep. Just do the best you can.)
4 - Place the nuts and half of the caster sugar into a food processor and blend to a powder.
5 - Increase the oven temp to 170C / Gas 3.
6 - Line a muffin tray with 10 cupcake cases.
7 - Place the butter and remaining caster sugar into a bowl and cream together (use a mixer if you have one - you've suffered enough with the hazelnuts).
8 - Cream in the belnded hazelnut and sugar mixture (and the hazelnut oil, if you own a deli). Beat together until light and fluffy.
9 - Add the eggs a little at a time (too much too soon and it splits and gets ugly -even if it does split, it's far from game over, but you know - it looks manky, so take your time to incorporate each bit of egg before adding more.)
10 - Sift the flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl.
11 - Add half of the sifted flour mixture to the wet ingredients and fold in gently (use a big met al spoon or good spatula)
12 - Add half the soured cream and fold that in.
13 - Add the remaining flour mixture - fold together again and add the remaining soured cream and fold in.
14 - Spoon the mixture into the cupcake cases - almost filling to the top.
15 - Place into the oven to bake for 20-25 mins, or until a baked through. Remove from the oven and allow to cool.
For the icing (only make this when the cakes are cooled)
16 - Beat the cream cheese and mascarpone together in a large bowl, until smooth and light.
17 - Beat the butter and sugar together (use a mixer) for a good 5mins. Make sure everything combines well - until almost white and very light and fluffy.
18 - Fold in the cream cheese mixture and then go crazy with it on the cupcakes. Like the song says - don't fear the reaper - these cakes are rich and lush and shameless. Spatula or pipe the icing on like there was no tomorrow.
19 - you'll need a cup of tea.

Keep th' faith
Article Dan

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Filed under  //   cake   ottolenghi   recipe  

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Jargon you can rely on from the Rockwell Retro Encabulator

Do you love jargon? Do you find that the new digital obsession with SEO and user journey has led to a depletion of applied hard-tech gibberish and  incomprehensible engineering terminologies?

Then strap in and get ready to have a jargasm with the Rockwell Retro Encabulator:

I know, I know... I'm thinking the same: why doesn't my home have a Rockwell Retro Encabulator?

I'd give my Wake 'n' Bacon for one of these bad boys!

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Suicide 2.0 is friendless (and pointless)

After Unfriend winning word of the year, we see the trend to disown the connections you may have spent the last five years making in web 2.0 social networks take another step forward. Introducing the Web 2.0 Suicide Machine - a web app which, once you enter your passwords for Facebook, MySpace or LinkedIn will set to erasing your existence from those social networks - changing your passwords and profile in the proces to deny you access should you have a sudden change of heart.

Suicide is as final as it sounds. (Unless of course Facebook's acting to block the Web 2.0 Suicide Machine is successful. They didn't like the Burger King unfriend for a Whopper campaign - they sure as hell weren't going to like this!)

Anyway, if you needed a guiding hand through this life choice (making it assisted suicide?), ironically, here's a guy using a web 2.0 video-sharing social network site to describe this antidote to web 2.0 social networks:

"You know scientists have proved that sending and receiving emails actually makes you more stupid?" I know it's tongue in cheek, but it's also a little annoying to even voice that kind of nonsense. Like the whole damn video really.

Still, I can appreciate the harboured desire to end it all: the tweets, the updates, the friend requests, the horror... the... horror. It's the same yearning you feel when watching Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall preparing a feast hewn from the living earth, or spend a few days in the good green countryside and wonder what you're doing living in the city.

But River Cottage's credits roll; you hop on the train home from the country or the coast, and you live in your connected life where you get 3G reception and don't have to raise and gut your own pig to enjoy a chorizo sandwich. It's a period of escape for the majority of us. A period of immersion into an alternate reality - of isolation from your norms and contacts - but it is only a brief dip, it's not a lifestyle suicide such as that espoused by the Suicide Machine.

What's more is this escape from the world is a shared experience. We've always enjoyed these moments of seceding from reality, and we've always shared them with our social networks. Remember postcards? Remember sending those out and getting home before they arrived at their recipients' homes? The tiny, almost useless space to write a message in? Twitter 0.1, baby!

And photos. Long before Flickr people would share holiday photos at their office desks, around coffee tables... We have always yearned to share our experiences of change and escape. Trust me - someone activating the Suicide Machine will very quickly want to share a video of their social network being filletted on a YouTube screen capture video. They're going to want to tell people about their 2.0 suicide. And enjoy the conversation / debate that their personal 2.0pcalypse might create.

Really, this not only taps into the desire of some to drop their addiction to social networks and realtime updates, but mainlines straight into that most human of ego-trips - the desire to be present at your own funeral.

So would you consider starting this new decade with a social media suicide? And how many do you think would mourn you?

Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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Unfriend is the word of the year - what does that tell us about 2009?

2009 was an unfriendly year to live through it seems, as the word unfriend made a remarkable mark in the Oxford English Dictionary this year. 

The annual update of words for the Oxford English Dictionary sees the internet once again a rich loam of gibberish and elision from which many nouns, verbs and adjectives have bloomed. Leader of the pack for the US dictionary is the verb: ‘unfriend’. 

For anyone living in a dial-up cave, I'll defer to the Urban Dictionary for the definition of unfriend (after all, they've hosted a definition since 2004):

The act of removing a friend from your facebook account. 
Compulsive people prune their friend list periodically, removing people that they no longer have contact with. More often though, unfriending is only done when a particular friend's updates and self-promotions become so annoying that you can no longer stand hearing about them. Or you might unfriend someone when they piss you off, however, this is not very effective since the person who is unfriended is not notified that you unfriended them and you'd be better off to keep them as a friend and plot your revenge.
EG: 'Dude, did you fucking unfriend me on facebook? I was looking for your email address and you're not in my friend list anymore. WTF?'

What does this tell us about us? It seems a very negative word to take the top spot - an act of denial, a rejection, a redaction even (in the most modern sense) - is this the X that marks the spot for our year of celebrated connectivity and web interaction? In a year that began with the giddy hope (and hyperbole?) of the Obama election, is it really the case that we end 2009, indeed the decade, with 'unfriend'?

To be fair, its more positive opposite - ‘friend’ already exists as a word, so is less likely to cause a splash at the end of the year accounting additions to the english language; never the less, the prominence of ‘unfriend’ sends an eerie ripple across the body of 2009. The death rattle of a decade, which for all its promise, its opportunities and breakthroughs for connecting and democratising the world, is still the decade of 9/11, of Guantanamo, of Iraq, of Afghanistan, climate change inertia and countless illustrations of money's hold over man.

Or, maybe it’s just the Dunbar number in action. The initial gold rush to ‘friend’ every person to whom we may have a tenuous connection in a bid to big up one’s numbers online has given way to a period of consolidation and pruning off the reckless accumulated 'friends' that our initial cyber-playground mentality demanded, as people begin to reflect upon just what Facebook (and other social networks) really mean to them, and how they intend to use and interact with these communities and platforms in the next decade?

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Filed under  //   2009   facebook   internet   Social media   unfriend  

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Forget the FTSE - the Christmas Price Index shows us the fluctuating cost of festive true love

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me - an abacus, so I could calculate the fluctuations in the cost of true love at Christmas according to the price of the items listed in the famous yuletide song 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' and PNC's Christmas Price Index.

Graph showing cost of Christmas increasing from starting point of 60 thounsnd dollars in 1984 with steady increase to 75 in 1994, a steep drop to 50 in 1995, then steady increase to 85 in 2009. 

Yesterday, I accidentally listened to Radio 4's statistics programme, More or Less - which turned out to be fascinating, not least because it opened my ears to the fact that for the last 26 years, PNC Financial Services have been calculating the rise and fall of the Christmas Price Index. Yes, we can chart the world's economic strengths through the timeless tale of true love:

Melts the heart doesn't it?

But this seemingly peerless index courts controversy by sometimes removing the costs of swans from the overall analysis, because the price of swans is considered too volatile! Swans, eh? Not only can they break a man's arm, they can compromise the integrity of an otherwise flawless financial system. But, some argue that the removal of the price of swans from the index makes a mockery of the index.

Oh, the endless excitement and energy of economic debate.

Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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Filed under  //   Christmas   economics   Humour   statistics   Video  

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The secret of comedy DVD releases...

...Timing.

At the very least. Especially if you're the BBC with a new series of hot sitcom Gavin and Stacey on your hands and you're looking to take advantage of... Well, let's come back to that.

First let's consider the recent post by blogger, Word Magazine Editor and seasoned music hack, David Hepworth on the subject of the shifting - transposing even - nature of music and television content. Essentially Hepworth describes a world where TV, once a medium streamed one-way and at one time only (bar repeats) to a mass audience has gradually adopted a model akin to the music industry of creating events and products it now exploits across a variety of media, hard copy, digital, and (bless it) for a while longer, analogue TV. While music, once proud rider of a miriad of media, now seems to be training itself to stream (albeit streaming on demand) in the complete absence of artefact or artwork.

He sites (of course) David Simon and The Wire as examples of TV of a new model - proffering a (not unlikely) scenario where, rather than subjugate himself to the whim of TV channels, he might be able to create a special episode of the Wire and sell it soley as a DVD to recoup the cost (and make a few bob over and above, no doubt). And while, in this age of torrents and downloads, that seems a tad retrograde, there's still a good proportion of people who own a box set or six of the Wire's original series runs.

So Hepworth concludes: 'it's no longer about the stuff. It's about when and how you get the stuff.' And in many ways I agree with his thesis. But then I return to the headlines I saw on the morning' Metro last week, and the Telegraph, and more:

BBC Accused of devaling the licence fee over Gavin and Stacey DVD release - whereby the Beeb (or BBC Worldwide, the commercial wing of the BBC) has seen fit to take up Hepworth's model and run with it, by releasing the Gavin and Stacey Series 3 DVD box set BEFORE the series has concluded its run on terrestrial (licence fee-funded) television.

Apparently this has hacked people off - the BBC slammed for this premature release, perhaps discrediting @davidhepworth here; but I think not. Hepworth’s examples are commercial concerns and fair play; it is once again the unique funding of the BBC that hauls it over the coals for playing the very game Hepworth describes. If David Simon wishes to exploit as many commercial angles as possible to deliver the Wire, no one minds - indeed they’ll likely applaud the innovation of traditional content models; if the BBC do the same, they’re screwing the British public. Or at least Don Foster MP would have us see it that way.

And maybe he has a slight point (he did say this devalues the licence fee only 'slightly' afterall): maybe the BBC is being slightly cynical, slightly too cavalier with the commercial angle by releasing this early to cash in on Christmas, but, for god's sake - who's REALLY being harmed here? The idea that 25 million people all sit all week waiting to watch an episode of a TV series is as dead as Dillinger. We all watch content in different ways now, at different times - as Hepworth says: it's about how and when you get it, not the thing itself. And if someone wants to BUY a copy of the DVD and watch it before I do (for no extra cost), then fine - I guess they love the show more than I do. And have more cash than patience. That's life. And providing for those people who want to pay more just makes business sense for BBC Worldwide to accommodate that.

Personally, I'd like to see the day that we stop holding content ransom to archaic release structures. If a series of Heroes or Being Human has wrapped, why should I have it trickle fed to me by a content provider, like I was some child being rationed sweeties, or a prisoner being administered methadone jellies. It's not for my own good, for fear too much straight hit content goodness will blow my tiny mind - that same puritan provider will later allow me the privilege of splurging £25 on the box set without a care for my silly synapses or binge behaviour.

Balls to that. You've got a series ready? Release the lot all at once - online, on DVD/Blu-ray, AND on TV in increments for those that like it that way (or for the serendipitous viewer who flicks and discovers).

'What about the conversation?' you ask. 'What about the watercooler / coffee break discussions?' 'All these beautiful moments of human interests coming together around the glowing hearth of last night's TV will be lost to us, like tears in rain...'

Oh, please. Have you met the internet? You enjoyed Blade Runner? Join the club: literally. The Wire? Tell me, did The Wire make its big splash on its initial TV outing? Nope. It was a slow-burner, fan-led, word of mouth, internet / DVD / media phenomenon. Anyone who watched it talked about it, blogged about it, Tweeted it, bought their friends the DVDs... Watercoolers everywhere. Conversation a-go-go - even about Gavin and Stacey. And most of it without the show being on TV anymore.

Time to die, indeed.

Oops! Was that a spoiler? Sorry. Again - have you met the internet? Yes, spoilers are a problem. If everyone can watch a series at a different time, won't they be able to tell everyone else the ending of, say, the 3rd series of Gavin and Stacey?

Maybe. But we don't all cram into the cinema at once to discover the identity of Keyser Soze as one grateful public, lest we overhear a spoiler on the radio, on the bus, or - christ no! - at the watercooler. Nope. Spoilers are a risk we all have to face and have had to face for years. I'm sure there were a few disappointed C15th English serfs who overheard someone discussing the last few threads of the Bayeux Tapestry as they waited in line to see it. We all rely on the discretion of others - always have, always will. That and our own good sense not to watch the finale of the Sixth Sense on YouTube before you've watched the bloody film.

So release it all at once, I say. Give the user the choice about the when and how they receive the stuff. Then people can watch what they want, when they want - and buy their friends and family the DVD of their favourite series for Christmas instead of giving them crappy HMV vouchers.

Heh. I never thought I'd put this much text to anything about Gavin and Stacey. I can't help feeling that this simultaneous release wouldn't remotely be of issue if the series had remained on its birth channel BBC Three. Same content, same issue, same licence fee, just lower/niche profile. Maybe that's the natural way, that new models and opportunities find their feet in cult formats; the overflow of that fringe emergence into the mainstream will always come as a shock to the mainstream status quo. 

But, hey, BBC One is streaming live online in Beta, people. Shit just got real.

Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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Filed under  //   Evolution   New Media   television  

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